InsaneJournal

Theoretical death letter
Pepper's death letters are never going to be sent now, but I was having thoughts on the way home from Egyptian about what he would say mostly to the Albion people so I'm writing that one out for fun, since it's relevant to the interests of the most people.


Aug 8 1980

Hi guys.
I'm pretty damn sure you'll probably be getting a lot more letters than just mine right now. I've known for a while now that I was going to die with this war, and from how things look today, I think things will tie themselves up with a bang. Hopefully not a literal one, I've had well enough explosions by now. I figure I've got a few weeks, maybe it'll stretch into months, maybe not. I doubt I'll turn twenty five.

I'm hardly the most popular person out of us - hell, I'm pretty sure there were times in this war I was up there as one of the most hated of the active players, between the Order and Death Eaters and random other people. But that never mattered to me. It means more to know that I've done good. I hope I've done good. I've tried to do what Millicent taught me, to make the tough calls and to get my hands dirty to spare everyone else the guilt and drama. I know I've made mistakes, some of you probably know that more than others, though the ones who know the best are all dead now. In fact there's no one left alive who's seen the worst I'm capable of, and I'm sort of glad for that. Maybe it's best that there haven't been too many opportunities for it since Mill died.

I know we're going to win this, though, because there are secrets I've been carrying for way too long, and if Rufus is still around, I'm sorry I didn't tell you all of them, they weren't mine to tell. I told you everything I could.

Obviously I don't know exactly how I die, but if it was a situation where there's someone left who's feeling guilty over it, don't. It's okay. I'm ready for it. There's people here I love and respect and admire and some of them I can't even name yet (though hopefully by now you'll be able to guess a couple) but I'm so fucking tired and I want to rest. I just hope someone will be able to tell my mother that she didn't have to be ashamed of me and I wasn't the person she thought. I want her to know that I did what I could to make Britain safe for her to come back to. I also want everyone to remember that not all Slytherins are like that, and sometimes the ones that are only are because of how they're treated. There are some good people even in the Death Eaters who just never got to make their own choices. Some of them never even knew there was a choice to make. Honestly I have spent a lot of time studying my life and I think Narcissa and Millicent were the two biggest reasons I did not become a Death Eater, for completely different reasons. If I had been born a few months earlier and if Mill never looked twice at me I'd be in a very different place right now and you will never know how glad I am that I'm not.

Part of me wants to keep writing but I know that everything has a proper end. I was so, so honoured to serve with all of you.

Octavius Ancelin Pepper
(yes, really)

5.11.55 - Sep-Oct? 1980